humans of leap- shrruti singh

Shrruti Singh played a pivotal role in bringing the Nirbhaya case to a close in March 2020. This is her story.

Shrruti Singh played a pivotal role in bringing the Nirbhaya case to a close in March 2020. This is her story.

Written by Helené van Tonder

“I met Asha Devi in May 2019. She is the mother of Jyoti Singh (Nirbhaya). She was a guest of honour at an event where I was the host. Before that, I had no interest in the Nirbhaya-case. It happened in 2012 when I was in the middle of my divorce — disheartened about what was happening in my own life. Knowing that I’ll meet Asha ji, I Googled to get up to speed on the case. I thought I was going to engage with her for only a minute or so in my role as host. What do you do when you meet someone like that? You extend a few words of solidarity, right?

So that’s what I did. But after some time, Asha ji walked up to me and told me that I smile like Jyoti. I had tears in my eyes. No one wants to be Jyoti. I spent a lot more time with her that evening than planned. When it was time for her to leave, she asked for my mobile number.

Two days later I was having lunch with my boss. My phone rang and it was Asha ji. She said: ‘Beta, khana kha liya?’ And that night I was not able to sleep. The next morning I decided that I will start calling her every day — like I call my own mother. All I did was listen to her. She was a grieving mother. The men accused of raping and murdering her daughter were sentenced to death more than two years ago. But she was still waiting for justice to be delivered. It was painful to hear a mother suffer like that.

On 29 September there was a court hearing, and I went with her. I was shocked by what I saw at that court. Normal people like you and me think of the Nirbhaya Case as THE case: a high profile, Delhi-based case with a media trial; movies have been made, budget has been created… The public thought the case was closed. But in reality, after the supreme court’s verdict in 2017, nothing has happened. The convicted have not been executed as stipulated. There was no one to hold accountable. There would be court hearings where people are not prepared, documents not ready, a judge that has not been there for 3 months. And all of this in one of the newly created fast-track courts to deal with rape cases.

It shook my soul.”

“My life may not have a meaning, but it has a purpose. I don’t understand why things happen to me as they do, but I know the difference that I can make.

I have a history of abuse in my life, and it has left deep scars in my soul. It makes you struggle through your life. I only felt liberated from these things after working on myself for a very long time.

At some point, these things sucked all life from me. I had no motivation to live further. I was down with anxiety and depression. I had pills in my hand — I just wanted to sleep forever. But at that moment, I asked myself: ‘Is this how you want to die, or do you want to live?’ And, irrespective of the pills that were in my hand, the answer was that I wanted to live.

The truth is, I had a big void inside myself, and I was scared of it. I tried different things. I went out and met people. I partied. None of it was giving me a long-term purpose or the reassurance that I was moving in the right direction.

So I made a very conscious decision: I will spend all my free time on my passion which is handwriting analysis, and by being involved in the community. I’ve worked with acid-attack survivors, started Lean In circles, I’ve hosted radio shows about handwriting analysis, I work with Navin Gulia’s NGO, the list goes on.

Helping to bring the Nirbhaya-case to a close on 20 March 2020 took a lot from me. I don’t always know where I got the courage and stamina. I’ve been out of a job for more than a year now. I don’t understand why it has to be like this, but I know the difference that I can make. What I’ve done will be remembered for what it is. At night I go to bed with a lot of love for myself.”